This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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