It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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