there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
