so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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