i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
