we have pet lesbian snakes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
