i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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