im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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