Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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