6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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