I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
