Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
