its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
