my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
