So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
