Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
