there's paper in my vomit.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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