I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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