the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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