I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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