So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
