During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
