He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
