sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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