My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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