at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
