somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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