how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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