My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want her autograph on my taint
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
