I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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