i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
