And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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