she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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