Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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