dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize