Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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