Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
