He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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