Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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