Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
