I just pynch a tree in the face
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
