i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize