I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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