He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize