she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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