the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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