Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
