i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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