im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
