sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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