I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
