i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
