if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
