Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
