Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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