Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
