I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
