Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
