What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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