hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
