they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
