My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your cock deserves a montage
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
