uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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