In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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