You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i think i just lost a toe
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
