Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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