She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
