I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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