just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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