then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
