Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
