Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
