you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's blow job season.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
