I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im six kinds of drunk right now
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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