by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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