I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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