Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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