just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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