honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
