he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
