O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
