I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
