Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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