Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
