i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize