If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize