TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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