Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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