Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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