2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
