Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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