i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
