I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
