If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
