apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
