if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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